Today I am bitter. And maybe even a little bit angry.
This past week, a mother dragged her 4 year old daughter into a river in Tampa and intentionally drowned her. The little girl was kicking and screaming as her mother, the very person that conceived, carried, birthed and raised her for 4 years, held her under the water so she would die. And die, she did.
Every 25 minutes, a baby is born addicted to drugs. Drugs its mother intentionally decided to take while carrying her innocent baby.
Today, I got to take care of a mom who decided to partake in illicit drugs while pregnant, who received no prenatal care, but who got to take her baby home. She got to spend her pregnancy blissfully unaware of any complications she was causing by introducing her baby to cocaine before it was even born. And then, the baby was born healthy. Fucking healthy. And this person got to take.her.baby.HOME.
I am not a perfect person. But never have I ever smoked, or touched an illegal or illicit drug. I have never had a sip of alcohol while pregnant. I go to every appointment, I consent to every test, screening, blood work order my doctor suggests. I take that horse pill of a prenatal vitamin every.single.day. In fact, I have literally never missed one. I have a safe home. A good job. A wonderful marriage. I’m a good person who puts my children’s needs above my own. And I don’t get to take my baby home. I don’t get to take my baby home.
I hate that I feel this anger and this bitterness. But I can’t help but wonder why we are surrounded by people who don’t want and have no intention of caring for a baby, but continually have them anyways. Who choose to do drugs and refuse to care for themselves and their growing child, but have a baby who is born without catastrophic birth defects. Why there are so many GOOD people who try for years and years to get pregnant but can’t. Or people like us, who have to withstand the heartbreak of carrying a baby who isn’t going to survive because we hit the shitty jackpot of our baby not developing correctly. And we probably will never know why. Some things in life are really not fair.