You never really realize what good company you’re in until you’re faced with a situation that makes you feel so very alone. I think that this can go for so many different life situations, but it’s especially true in our case. But the caveat is that you have to open up and you need to be vulnerable. We have had an outpouring of support from everyone we know. Friends, family, neighbors, colleagues, and the list goes on. There is a subgroup of people in my life who have reached out as moms who have gone through something similar to us. For some, it’s been decades since they’ve lost their baby. Others it’s been a matter of months. Others have lost more than one child. But every single one of them have reached out to me to offer support for something I can imagine is still so painful for them to think and talk about. According to the CDC, 1 in 100 pregnancies end in stillbirth, which is death after 20 weeks of gestation. Additionally, 15-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage before 20 weeks and about 6 infants in 1,000 in the US will die in their first year.
I think that miscarriage has become less of a “taboo” subject in recent years, and I’m guess you’d be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t have firsthand experience with it. We’ve had three miscarriages, all after Max and before Lauren. And it is painful to those who go through it. Whatever situation you’re faced with where you don’t get to take your baby home, or don’t get to raise them into childhood, adulthood and beyond, sucks. But an even crazier thing is that when you open up to people, you realize you are not alone. There are a lot of people in your life that you may not realize have buried a baby or suffered an immeasurable loss like you’re facing or have faced. Some of the strongest and most badass women I’ve met, known and worked with have walked in my shoes. They’ve lived this nightmare, and they’re strong enough to come and embrace me through mine. I am eternally grateful for this group of strong, powerful and resilient people who can help to lead me to the other side. Because I’m still over here, feeling my baby kick but I know it’s only a matter of time before it will be time for me to cross the other side. To the side where I’m no longer just a mom, but a bereaved one. Baby boy’s life here on Earth will end and I will be tasked with keeping his memory and my love for him alive despite not having him here with me. I need all the guidance I can get even though I know that no amount of preparation will make it easier the day it comes. So for now, I continue to wait. And all of the love and support from everyone around me helps to get me through the hour by hour life I’m currently living in. So, thank you <3